Mrs. Wiggins

Yesterday was a long day. Not because of any of the usual strife, rather because both my back and feet were killing me. At one point in the morning I had to dash (ok, hobble) to Walgreens to get a wrap for my back. Luckily there was no one in the parking lot when I had to unzip my pants to put the wrap on. Because I am paranoid, I am still awaiting a call from the police about exposing myself in public. You know they have video cameras in the parking lot. Watch for me, I'll be on the news.

Anyhoo, I have a pair of black pumps that I love (or used to love). They're Flopsy shoes. You know the ones, pointy and fancy. Well apparently they are two hour shoes. Unfortunately I was not aware of that when I put them on for my eight hour day. Now granted I'm not walking around all day, I sit a lot. However, the bathroom and the vending machine with my Hostess Cherry Pies are all the way on the other side of the building. By about 3:00 my feet were "rubbed raw" (another word that I hate that MUST be added to the list). Since I work in a hospital you would think that there would be Band-Aids. NOPE!! It was very difficult to maintain professionalism (and pay attention, which is hard for me anyway) when all I could think about were my feet.

Eventually the shoes came off. I had no more clients to see and was busy doing paperwork. My colleague, an older woman, came in to gossip with me. We were discussing the changes in the clinic and she stated," We need to stop prostituting ourselves for this hospital. I mean I could make so much more money prostituting in other ways." With this she laughed, threw herself onto the couch (yes, we have a couch) spread her legs and said, "You know, COME ON SAILOR SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT!!!" ( BLECHHH!! was all I could think. I didn't need that. Wasn't my day bad enough with physical pain, did I really need emotional pain too? Have mercy on me.) She got up and walked out.

It was then time to leave. I had had enough. Unfortunately I had to put those damn shoes back on. It is always worse to have to put them back on. I winced in pain and began my long trek to the car. I had thoughts that maybe I should just take my shoes off and walk bare footed to the car. The ground was VERY cold and I would have to risk foot cramps. I envisioned walking in the parking lot, being overcome by intense foot cramps, spazzing my back and falling to the ground only to be run over by a large truck. I just couldn't risk it.

I put my shoes on and hobbled outside. I glanced at my reflection in the window. There I saw Mrs. Wiggins (from the Tim Conway show).