I had a site visit this morning at a local drop in center for people with mental illness. It has been a few years since I have worked with this population especially in this scenario. As I am walking through the door I am quickly reminded of how this population smells. SMACK right in the nose! It is nothing that can be detailed in words but I will do my best. Think a week or month without showering, mix a dash of foot and just a splash of ass and alcohol and you may just have it. WHOOOOO! It doesn't smell as much as it burns your eyes!
Anyhoo, I make my way through the smell and enter the clubhouse where I am greeted by random people who want to shake my hand and give me a hug (I gracefully declined these offers). I don't know these folks but they sure want to know me. I can see it in their faces, FRESH MEAT!!! I enter my meeting which is interrupted various times by people needing to say hello.
As I am leaving, I meet up with my friend Jenny who works there for a quick break. She looks tired but says she is doing fine. Not two minutes into our conversation she is approached by a client that I assume she knows well. He is asking for a loan. She rolls her eyes and sends him in to let other people deal with it. Smart lady. I miss this. I think that I need this in my life again. The chaos, the funny stories, the client contact. I miss it. All I get are eating disorders and failing grades and my one stalker. That's no fun. What was the most interesting change was that when I got in the car I reached for my antibacterial handi-wipes that were once a staple of my existence. I had none. What has my life become?
Friday, October 31, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Grand Theft Auto
So far this school year, C. has been making real strides to be a good boy. I started to brag. I got cocky. I felt like we had finally made it over the hump. WELP, I spoke too soon.
About a week ago as I was going through C.'s backpack I found a handful of Hot Wheels. I jumped his butt about bringing cars to school. I took them out and threw them into the pile of cars. I didn't think anymore about it. Until Thursday. The teacher approached me as I was dropping him off and said that there was a rumor that C. had "borrowed" (early childhood teacher speak for STOLE) some cars from school and did I know anything about it. I said no and turned to C. and asked him. He looked me dead in the face and said, "No Mom. I don't know anything about that." My heart so wanted to believe him. He wouldn't lie to me. He wouldn't. BUT my head said...he took them and now he's lying to me that little sneak.
Of course in the background, C's best friend (the snitch) yells to me, "HE IS LYING HE STOLE THEM!!" But looking at that little face and not wanting to believe that he would do it, I walked away and assured the teacher I would investigate.
Once home, I asked him again. "No Mom" was the answer. So, I tricked him. I used the tricks I learned from watching NYPD Blue. I got in his kitchen. I told him I needed to go look in his room for the contraband. "No Mom. The door is locked." We, of course have no locks on the door. Because we have 3,000 Hot Wheels and they all look the same to me, I got A. to help me. She loves to rat on him. Finally he confessed and handed over the hot Hot Wheels. I WAS FURIOUS!! I sent him to his room as not to kill him. J. came home and handled it by taking some of his cars. "YOU ARE BREAKING MY HEART!!!" was all I heard from our little thief. GOOD!!
So far on his road to the state pen, we have practiced our escape, proclaiming innocence, buckling under interrogation and finally confessing. By the time he is legal he will be well practiced. Hopefully he will learn not to pick friends who snitch.
About a week ago as I was going through C.'s backpack I found a handful of Hot Wheels. I jumped his butt about bringing cars to school. I took them out and threw them into the pile of cars. I didn't think anymore about it. Until Thursday. The teacher approached me as I was dropping him off and said that there was a rumor that C. had "borrowed" (early childhood teacher speak for STOLE) some cars from school and did I know anything about it. I said no and turned to C. and asked him. He looked me dead in the face and said, "No Mom. I don't know anything about that." My heart so wanted to believe him. He wouldn't lie to me. He wouldn't. BUT my head said...he took them and now he's lying to me that little sneak.
Of course in the background, C's best friend (the snitch) yells to me, "HE IS LYING HE STOLE THEM!!" But looking at that little face and not wanting to believe that he would do it, I walked away and assured the teacher I would investigate.
Once home, I asked him again. "No Mom" was the answer. So, I tricked him. I used the tricks I learned from watching NYPD Blue. I got in his kitchen. I told him I needed to go look in his room for the contraband. "No Mom. The door is locked." We, of course have no locks on the door. Because we have 3,000 Hot Wheels and they all look the same to me, I got A. to help me. She loves to rat on him. Finally he confessed and handed over the hot Hot Wheels. I WAS FURIOUS!! I sent him to his room as not to kill him. J. came home and handled it by taking some of his cars. "YOU ARE BREAKING MY HEART!!!" was all I heard from our little thief. GOOD!!
So far on his road to the state pen, we have practiced our escape, proclaiming innocence, buckling under interrogation and finally confessing. By the time he is legal he will be well practiced. Hopefully he will learn not to pick friends who snitch.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Tight seats
I had a meeting yesterday in a big auditorium with small seats with almost no leg room. I walked into the auditorium and carefully selected an aisle seat near the back exit so that I could escape if need be. I had a few minutes, so I left me stuff on the third chair and went to get a coffee. I was stopped in the hallway and had a conversation. I turned to enter the auditorium and was motioned to close the door. I did. However, I did not hold the door as it slammed. Luckily the meeting had just begun. I kept my eyes on my coffee and the stairs and climbed back to my safe spot. Unfortunately, a very large man had taken my seat on the aisle. My stuff was still there on the third seat. I realized that I was going to have to climb. There was not enough room for both of us on the landing. I climb over him without spilling. So happy! I settle in to my very small seat and begin to daydream and doodle.
After about 10 minutes, an attractive colleague of mine enters the auditorium. He scans the room to find the most inconspicuous seat. Apparently it was between me and the fat guy. I liked having a seat between me and the person next to me. I need space. I need to feel free. Now this guy has taken the "in between" seat. The seats are so close together I can tell he is chewing spearmint flavored gum. This also means that he can smell my coffee, cigarette butt mouth.
I lean as far away from him as possible without falling out of the chair. I haven't eaten. My stomach growls, LOUDLY. Both men look at me and smile. LORD HAVE MERCY! I think that I should scoot down but think, will that bring more attention to the fact that I am a freakshow. As I am focusing on the should I, shouldn't I conversation in my head, my phone rings. I ignore it. It rings again. I have to get it. I proceed to fall over the two guys as I am trying to quietly get out!
I resolve the issue and return to get my stuff. I climb back over the two guys, stepping on their feet and unfortunately putting my butt right in their faces. I sit down, exasperated. Meeting adjourned.
After about 10 minutes, an attractive colleague of mine enters the auditorium. He scans the room to find the most inconspicuous seat. Apparently it was between me and the fat guy. I liked having a seat between me and the person next to me. I need space. I need to feel free. Now this guy has taken the "in between" seat. The seats are so close together I can tell he is chewing spearmint flavored gum. This also means that he can smell my coffee, cigarette butt mouth.
I lean as far away from him as possible without falling out of the chair. I haven't eaten. My stomach growls, LOUDLY. Both men look at me and smile. LORD HAVE MERCY! I think that I should scoot down but think, will that bring more attention to the fact that I am a freakshow. As I am focusing on the should I, shouldn't I conversation in my head, my phone rings. I ignore it. It rings again. I have to get it. I proceed to fall over the two guys as I am trying to quietly get out!
I resolve the issue and return to get my stuff. I climb back over the two guys, stepping on their feet and unfortunately putting my butt right in their faces. I sit down, exasperated. Meeting adjourned.
The best laid plans
I am having a frustrating week. I realize it is only Wednesday and there is much more to come. I am a tad bit on the controlling side and have planned my clothing, my schedule, my children and my husband for the whole week. I have worked very hard to make sure that my life runs as smoothly as possible so that I don't freak out and punch someone in the throat. Well, someone wants to get socked!
Monday started out as a usual day, with the exception that J. broke my iron so my pre-arranged outfit was no longer accessible. So I went to plan B. I thought it turned out fine until I got to work and realized that I had two different color shoes on. When you buy two pairs of shoes in different colors this can happen. I looked down and realized that I had one brown shoe and one blue shoe. I had appointments in the community, so I could not go home. For lunch I decided on chili. Not a good choice when wearing a white shirt. I was able to spill chili down the front of me. I had to go to psych unit that afternoon. I was mighty afraid that they would keep me, with my mismatched shoes and disheveled appearance. Katie warned me not to call J. if I was detained for fear that he would likely continue my psychiatric hold.
Tuesday was going to be the true test of my scheduling abilities. My regular babysitter does not get to the house til 4:30 on Tuesdays. The kids get out at 3:00, so I usually pick them up and bring them home. Well, this particular Tuesday I had a mandatory Wonking meeting where my presence was expected. So being the good mother that I am, I found a babysitter whom I had never met, pick up C. bring him home and wait for A. to be dropped off by another mother. I would stay at work til my night class was over. It was going to be a long day but I had everything scheduled. I left notes and keys and money for everyone involved.
At about 3:20 I get a phone call in the middle of the meeting. It is the mother who is dropping A. off. I ignore it. I am trapped in an aisle and would make a huge scene if I had answered the phone. The phone vibrates again and again. This must be an issue. I have to answer the phone. I am crawling over the laps of two large men in tiny chairs trying to answer the phone as quietly as possible. As I am answering the phone, I trip over one of the men and start to fall on the stairs. So much for a graceful exit. I whisper- yell into the phone as I begin to fall.
I finally get out into the lobby and the mother tells me that she attempted to drop off A., but no one was there. "What do you mean no one was there?" I ask in a panic. The babysitter and C. should have been home by now. I hang up and call the school. He's been picked up. I get the phone number of the babysitter from my office upstairs. The babysitter and C. were apparently lost getting home. I live two blocks from the nursery school. "How did you get lost?" I ask. Well, C. being C. decided it would be funny to trick the babysitter by telling her the wrong way to go home. He then pointed to random houses and told her that it was our house. Then he would laugh. I am livid! I had controlled for all issues except for the issue of C. being C.
I have to leave the meeting, go pick up A. and get home, so I can turn around and go back. Luckily for me J. was home. I said, "What are you doing here?"in an accusatory manner. He looked at me and said,"I got home early, why didn't you call me? You shouldn't have had to come all the way home. I could have picked up the kids." I left.
I arrived back at school and quickly realized that I was being observed by my boss this evening. I had completely forgotten. I wasn't prepared. I was sweaty and aggravated and was planning to wing it. I "ummed" and "Okay'd" through the whole presentation. Not my best performance. I thought maybe he would not notice. I got my review today. Apparently he did.
Monday started out as a usual day, with the exception that J. broke my iron so my pre-arranged outfit was no longer accessible. So I went to plan B. I thought it turned out fine until I got to work and realized that I had two different color shoes on. When you buy two pairs of shoes in different colors this can happen. I looked down and realized that I had one brown shoe and one blue shoe. I had appointments in the community, so I could not go home. For lunch I decided on chili. Not a good choice when wearing a white shirt. I was able to spill chili down the front of me. I had to go to psych unit that afternoon. I was mighty afraid that they would keep me, with my mismatched shoes and disheveled appearance. Katie warned me not to call J. if I was detained for fear that he would likely continue my psychiatric hold.
Tuesday was going to be the true test of my scheduling abilities. My regular babysitter does not get to the house til 4:30 on Tuesdays. The kids get out at 3:00, so I usually pick them up and bring them home. Well, this particular Tuesday I had a mandatory Wonking meeting where my presence was expected. So being the good mother that I am, I found a babysitter whom I had never met, pick up C. bring him home and wait for A. to be dropped off by another mother. I would stay at work til my night class was over. It was going to be a long day but I had everything scheduled. I left notes and keys and money for everyone involved.
At about 3:20 I get a phone call in the middle of the meeting. It is the mother who is dropping A. off. I ignore it. I am trapped in an aisle and would make a huge scene if I had answered the phone. The phone vibrates again and again. This must be an issue. I have to answer the phone. I am crawling over the laps of two large men in tiny chairs trying to answer the phone as quietly as possible. As I am answering the phone, I trip over one of the men and start to fall on the stairs. So much for a graceful exit. I whisper- yell into the phone as I begin to fall.
I finally get out into the lobby and the mother tells me that she attempted to drop off A., but no one was there. "What do you mean no one was there?" I ask in a panic. The babysitter and C. should have been home by now. I hang up and call the school. He's been picked up. I get the phone number of the babysitter from my office upstairs. The babysitter and C. were apparently lost getting home. I live two blocks from the nursery school. "How did you get lost?" I ask. Well, C. being C. decided it would be funny to trick the babysitter by telling her the wrong way to go home. He then pointed to random houses and told her that it was our house. Then he would laugh. I am livid! I had controlled for all issues except for the issue of C. being C.
I have to leave the meeting, go pick up A. and get home, so I can turn around and go back. Luckily for me J. was home. I said, "What are you doing here?"in an accusatory manner. He looked at me and said,"I got home early, why didn't you call me? You shouldn't have had to come all the way home. I could have picked up the kids." I left.
I arrived back at school and quickly realized that I was being observed by my boss this evening. I had completely forgotten. I wasn't prepared. I was sweaty and aggravated and was planning to wing it. I "ummed" and "Okay'd" through the whole presentation. Not my best performance. I thought maybe he would not notice. I got my review today. Apparently he did.
Friday, October 03, 2008
The Price of Nice
I am trying very hard to be nice. It doesn't always come naturally. It is an effort. I am easily annoyed by people and have a hard time focusing when someone is blathering on about something. My New Year's resolution was to be kinder. So this is what I get:
1. No parking tickets. I made friends with the meter maid. It only costs me a some conversation. I have a hard time focusing on what she is saying because the gold flecks from her teeth end up all over her lips. She's very shiny.
2. Lunches with boring people. There are two that always stop by to see if I want to go to lunch. I usually say yes. It's hard to say no and then sneak out to lunch five minutes after they leave.
3. The office troll talking to me while I am trying to use the bathroom. She stood in the bathroom waiting for me, talking to me the whole time about how there should be hooks in the bathroom and maybe a shelf. As I rounded the corner I did get to peak her marshmellowy troll belly as she tried to tame her troll hair. I now have to sneak to lunch and the bathroom.
4. Clean waste basket. I am really nice to the cleaning lady so she doesn't steal from me and makes sure I always have a clean trash can. Important stuff.
5. No time for work. I am too busy having conversations with the troll, the meter maid, the cleaning lady and the administrative assistants to be able to get any work done.
So the moral of story is that with being nice comes some hardships but also a clean trash can and unlimited parking.
1. No parking tickets. I made friends with the meter maid. It only costs me a some conversation. I have a hard time focusing on what she is saying because the gold flecks from her teeth end up all over her lips. She's very shiny.
2. Lunches with boring people. There are two that always stop by to see if I want to go to lunch. I usually say yes. It's hard to say no and then sneak out to lunch five minutes after they leave.
3. The office troll talking to me while I am trying to use the bathroom. She stood in the bathroom waiting for me, talking to me the whole time about how there should be hooks in the bathroom and maybe a shelf. As I rounded the corner I did get to peak her marshmellowy troll belly as she tried to tame her troll hair. I now have to sneak to lunch and the bathroom.
4. Clean waste basket. I am really nice to the cleaning lady so she doesn't steal from me and makes sure I always have a clean trash can. Important stuff.
5. No time for work. I am too busy having conversations with the troll, the meter maid, the cleaning lady and the administrative assistants to be able to get any work done.
So the moral of story is that with being nice comes some hardships but also a clean trash can and unlimited parking.
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