My day off...

All week I have been looking forward to today. I was off this morning. What to do, what to do? Well, I decided that I needed a haircut. Of course, I need it NOW!!! Therefore waiting for my usual hairdresser to return from vacation was absolutely unacceptable. When I decide to get my haircut, loyalties fly out the window and I'll take the first available appointment that is not in a mini mall. This may account for some of my bad haircuts. Anyhoo, my regular woman was not there so I went with a new woman. She was nice enough. She took FOREVER to cut my hair. I never get my hair washed, odd I know, but I hate that feeling on the back of my neck in the tub. I also never know how much to tip the hair washer, so I just come in with a wet head. I also NEVER get a smock. You're wearing a table cloth when you sit down in the chair therefore I do not need to take off my clothes and put on something else. My woman cuts my hair in about 25 minutes. I don't have a lot of hair. Well, this new chic took freakin forever and gave me a SHORT cut. After she was done hacking, razoring, shaping and whatnot I look like I could leave for Iraq. She then says, "I don't think you should wear your hair this short." Funny, neither do I. "You should also get highlights, your hair would look much better. Ya know, shiny." I have no hair left to highlight!

After that debacle, you would think I would be done with my quest for self improvement. NO SUCH NONSENSE!!! I went to get my eyebrows waxed. Usually the little woman takes about four minutes to do both brows. This lady took 20 minutes to wax and pluck my eyebrows. I am not Bert, so what the hell was she doing? I was envisioning those super thin eyebrows that often women of a certain profession have. Anyhoo, she did a fine job but did mention that I needed to come in more often and perhaps I should get a manicure, "Your hands are really rough." THANKS!!!!

I am beginning to wonder how I look to the rest of the world. I look in the mirror everyday. It's not perfect but I'm presentable most of the time. Am I a Cosmo "don't" with a black bar across my eyes? Am I secretly being filmed by friends for a pathetic loser make over show? (Yes, I'm taking my meds.) I am a vain person. I wish I weren't, but I am. So, for those of you who see me on a regular basis, let me know when I look ridiculous because apparently I don't see it.

After my makeover I had to take C. to the foot MD. He's got crazy feet and we trying to fix them. I'm sure once he's in prison we could have the state pay for his feet, but J. doesn't want to wait that long. The last time we were at this office, C. crapped his pants. This time he peed. We are VERY popular. On the way home from the office, I looked in the rear view mirror and saw C. CHOMPING on something. Here's how the conversations went:
Me: Whatcha eatin?
C: Gum.
Me: Where'd you get gum?
C: My nose.
Me: GAG REFLEX ACTIVATED!!!!

I did then explain to him in the old Southern tradition, if you eat your boogers you will get boils. I don't know if he got it.

Finally we stopped at the library to pick up a book I had on hold. When I got it, the book was HUGE!! After checking it out I realized it was a large print book. It's like reading A.'s Easy Reader Books. I just started laughing. Maybe the librarian knows something I don't and that is why the beauty professionals had such a hard time fixing me today. I CAN'T SEE!!!!

So much for a morning off. Next time I will just take a nap.