He loves me...

Some women may believe that her husband or boyfriend truly loves her because he buys her beautiful jewelry or because he takes the kids out so she can have the day to herself. Don't get me wrong, I love those things, however I learned today how much my husband loves me.

Last night after falling asleep on the couch I awoke in a fright when J. returned from a night out. I had been asleep for quite some time, so I stumbled to bed. There was an odd smell. It stunk. Have you ever been too tired to care? That was me. I figured it was one of three things, A) my breath can get really bad (pumpkin pie, cigarettes and sleep--it can smell like ass), B) J. was letting off some Thanksgiving air from his rather full meal or C) Dukie farted. He's an old dog, he probably has gas like an old man. Like I said, too tired to investigate.

The smell must have been pretty bad because it incorporated itself into my dreams. I dreamt of garbage and backed up toilets. Yet, I still slept. Finally about 6:00 am, there was the unmistakable sound of a dog wretching. It was not far away. It was too close. He's gonna spew on the carpet. J. lept from the bed, like a man half his age to grab the dog, when he stopped cold in his tracks. The dog did not puke, which is easy to clean up because he usually eats it before I get a chance to get the paper towels, he crapped on the floor. He also crapped in his bed, which is about a foot from my face, hence the dreams about backing up toliets. He also crapped on the wall. How does this dog crap on the wall? I have no idea. Every time he has gotten sick like this before he manages to be perpelled by an explosion of diarhhea. We used to think he just ran around in a circle chasing the crap as it came out, but who knows. It looked like a crap murder scene. We were unable to measure the distance of the splatter from the bunghole to get a positive T.O.E> Time of Excretion< or the manner in which it was excreted.

You may now be wondering, what does dog crap have to do with a man's love for his wife. All I can say is, he cleaned it up.