His Wish

When I was in college I had a boyfriend that I did not treat very well. As a parting gift he left me a mixed tape. On this mixed tape were various versions on the same theme," I hate you bitch". I lost that tape many years ago, but can remember the first song on the first side. The name of the song is "Fat" by the Violent Femmes. It goes a little something like this:

I hope you get fat
I hope you get really fat
I hope you get fat

His wish has come true.( He also put on the tape the Bob Dylan song, Idiot Wind, you know the one that says something about everytime you open your mouth I realize what an idiot you are...NICE!) I can't fit into any of my pants. I started a diet today and that totally sucks. I think that in order to be thin you have to either exercise like a crazy person or eat a healthy diet. Unfortunately, I do neither. Which now at 35 leads me to dieting. I have never been a fan of published diets. I usually just go on the diets that have worked for me over the years:
1. Cigarette, coffee and Jell-O diet --College and post baby diets
2. Shit your brains out diet-- Unfortunately the stomach flu comes with that one
or finally my favorite,
3. Stop eating when you're full, fat ass diet.

Although I am trying the #3 I am having to add to it (revolutionary new ideas):
4. Stop eating when you're full, fat ass with the new and improved: GET AWAY FROM THE VENDING MACHINE,THAT'S HOW YOU GOT FAT TO BEGIN WITH Diet

We'll see how it goes. I am seeing an old friend in a couple of weeks and need to get back to my fighting weight. I don't know why it matters, but when seeing women from my past I need to be thinner than I was the last time I saw them. I just never want anyone to say,"Wow, she's put on weight" when someone asks how I am doing.

I get really happy when people I like lose weight. It motivates me. I HATE it when people I don't like lose weight. It doesn't motivate me, it makes me want to have them killed.

So here goes nothing. I got two weeks...