The Dentist

I had my appointment this AM to get my two cavities filled. I HATE NOVOCAINE! It's now 12:15, my appointment was at 9:15 and I have no feeling in my lower jaw. Because I feel this way I bravely decided that I could get my teeth filled without Novocaine. I had been through childbirth, I can take anything. Apparently not. The dentist said he would have to numb one side because the cavity was too deep but he was willing to let me try on the other side. The shot goes in and I start to feel numb.

He starts attempting to fix the other side. I can handle this, I think to myself. It doesn't hurt. It doesn't hurt. Hell, the shot on the other side of my mouth hurt worse than this. Look at me, big bad brave Momma (Theme song: She's a Bad Mama Jama). FUCK!!!!!! I was suddenly in an enormous amount of pain. "Guess we need some Novocaine." the Dentist observes. What was the first clue, my eyes POPPING out of my head or was it that my legs shot straight up in the air?

Eventually both sides of my lower jaw are numb. My hygienist is nice enough but was not on the ball. At one point I thought I was drowning in my own spit. All my life I have been terrified of drowning in the ocean and really I should have focused on drowning in the dentist's chair, choked by my own saliva. I got her attention. I was trying to grab her arm, but I grabbed her boob instead. Oops! While they were doing the filling they were discussing the right shade of yellow to color my back teeth. It was then I thought about getting some White Stips.

After all was said and done I went to the counter to pay. Unbeknownst to me I was drooling all over the counter. There I was smiling like a idiot, with a line of spit hanging from my bottom lip. The hygenist, not the one I fondled, handed me a tissue.

I left the office trying to figure out what to do with myself. I couldn't eat, drink or smoke so there was no point in going home. So I went shopping. At each store I entered the very perky sales wanted to help me. I realize now that I was walking around looking like Magilla Gorilla, but no thanks I didn't need any help. I held up the hand and shook my head. Eventually at each store they left me alone.

I went to pick up C. after school. He's a funny kid (peculiar, not necessarily ha-ha). As we were walking up the stairs to leave, one of the older boys said in that know it all four year old way,
"YOU"VE GOT A GIRL'S SUITCASE." (He's still carrying the rainbow striped Hello Kitty suitcase) C. turned and looked the kid square in the eye and said, "I am going to eat you." And then walked away. Once we got home, he started practicing his walking with his eyes closed. He slammed into the wall.