No Trespassing

I really do not like my neighbor. She is epitome of what I hate in "nice" people. I don't want to be your friend. I don't want to talk to you over the fence. I don't want to trade babysitter names. I want you to live in your house and I will call the police if someone tries to break in or the place catches on fire. I would appreciate it if you did the same. The foreigners on the one side get it, the southern belle....not so much.

Well, since we have had a long and cold winter I have been able to avoid the neighborhood Chatty McMcChatterson for about nine months. I got spoiled. Now that the weather is better, she sits in wait to pounce on me. In the past two days I have been forced into two lengthy discussions with her. I AM NOT INTERESTED!! I have to start looking out the window to make sure she's not there so that I can sprint to the car. My kids are slow movers so this is no easy task. I unlock the door and get the car running before I even open the front door. I run down the stairs, swoop open the car door for the kids and hope they get in before I take off. I may leave C. one day.

So, Ms Chatty Can't Take a Hint or Recognize Obvious Social Cues McChatterson has pushed me to my limit this weekend. She lured my kids out of my yard to come play with her son. J. was supposed to watching them but was on the computer and had no idea they were missing until I came down like a Shrieking Banshee. I was that mother, standing on the porch SCREAMING at the top of my lungs....GIT IN HERE KIDS!! NOW!!!! Well, she had to come over and apologize for not making them tell someone. I had to smile the "oh, it's okay but it's really not" smile. That whole interchange took about two years.

I come home from work today. I see her. I get the cell phone out and start talking on it...to no one. I wave and keep walking. WE ARE NOT FRIENDS. A few minutes later the dog starts barking his head off. I walk to the front door, thinking it is just the construction guys next door and see that half the neighborhood is congregating on my front steps. I got kids climbing in my front yard and through my ivy. I AM HOT!! I stick my head out the door and remind them that they are on my property and they are were not invited. In fact I don't even know half of you people. I think they heard the click of the shotgun. They scatter. No really, I told them to watch their kids in the ivy because there may be poison ivy.

KARMA ALERT KARMA ALERT KARMA ALERT KARMA ALERT KARMA ALERT KARMA

A. just fell off her bike and fell in the street. Her father, who was taking her for a bike ride is nowhere to be found. Ms. Chatty rescues my child and brings her to the door. I suck.