I don't want to kill my children BUT....

Holy crap my kids are from hell!! I recognize that I have been under a lot of stress lately but they are pure evil.

I started my last two classes last week and ended up working six days. I am not trying to sound like a martyr, I am acknowledging that I am a dumb ass and didn't take a day off because I screwed around so much. Consequences or something like that. Anyhoo, I have been doing a lot of catch up and am completely slammed. I have even developed an eye twitch.

So I have a twelve hour day yesterday (and gave blood, which is a different story and am adding for dramatic martyr effect at this point), J. is out of town and come rolling in at 10:00 PM. I am tired and crabby. I just want to go to bed. I climb upstairs and find two children asleep in my bed. I am too tired to fight. I go in A's room but can't find room to sleep because of the colonies of stuffed animals that are inhabiting her bed. I go into C's room and flop on the bed. Oddly enough rubber sheets make for a warm and crinkly sleeping experience.

At 6:45AM, A. starts. She is allowed to wear shorts again to school. It doesn't matter to her that it is 4 degrees outside. I haven't even opened my eyes for the day and am covered in rubber sheet sweat and she is already crying and slamming her door. I hear her, "IT IS NOT FAIR!! MY MOM IS SO MEAN!!!" Lord, keep me from going in there and showing her mean. I roll over (crinkle crinkle) and hope to get ten more minutes of sleep. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

C. is awake and on the warpath. "I AM NOT GOING TO SCHOOL TODAY!!! I AM NOT GOING TO SCHOOL TODAY! I AM NOT GOING TO SCHOOL TODAY!" I slide out of bed and find him sprawled on the hallway floor, pj pants around his ankles, shirt stuck on his head, cast (which costs a million dollars) BANGING on the wall. OH MY HOLY JESUS!!!

I can't even respond to him. I step over his body and head downstairs. C. finally comes down stairs. He is having a difficult time keeping his pants up. Not good. I go to help him put on his boot and notice that in the lining of his pants are about two pounds of hot wheels cars. I look at the clock, only one hour til school. Today is my day off and I AM NOT SPENDING IT WITH HIM!!! We continue to argue throughout the AM. He has no toys left, no video games, no books. I think I may have even taken away Christmas and his birthday for the next three years.

I take him to school and barely slow down as I eject him from the car. FREEDOM!! I enjoy my day of quiet but it ends so quickly. I pick C. up and he informs me that he is not going to do anything I tell him today. IT IS ON!!!!

A. gets home and accidentally knocks over a flower vase. She goes nuts when I suggest that she did that and needs to help clean it up. Crying, wailing, sobbing, I DIDN"T DO IT!!! IT'S NOT MY FAULT! I walk around the corner to find my son emptying the whole sandbox out of his pockets on to the floor. I hear voices that tell me to run, run like the wind. I would have listened however, just as I was going for the door, I sharted. Yes, my friends, it happened again. What the HELL is the matter with me? Anyways, you can't runaway if you have poop swipes in your drawers.

SO, I am resigned. We are all going to bed by 7:00.