Tight seats

I had a meeting yesterday in a big auditorium with small seats with almost no leg room. I walked into the auditorium and carefully selected an aisle seat near the back exit so that I could escape if need be. I had a few minutes, so I left me stuff on the third chair and went to get a coffee. I was stopped in the hallway and had a conversation. I turned to enter the auditorium and was motioned to close the door. I did. However, I did not hold the door as it slammed. Luckily the meeting had just begun. I kept my eyes on my coffee and the stairs and climbed back to my safe spot. Unfortunately, a very large man had taken my seat on the aisle. My stuff was still there on the third seat. I realized that I was going to have to climb. There was not enough room for both of us on the landing. I climb over him without spilling. So happy! I settle in to my very small seat and begin to daydream and doodle.

After about 10 minutes, an attractive colleague of mine enters the auditorium. He scans the room to find the most inconspicuous seat. Apparently it was between me and the fat guy. I liked having a seat between me and the person next to me. I need space. I need to feel free. Now this guy has taken the "in between" seat. The seats are so close together I can tell he is chewing spearmint flavored gum. This also means that he can smell my coffee, cigarette butt mouth.
I lean as far away from him as possible without falling out of the chair. I haven't eaten. My stomach growls, LOUDLY. Both men look at me and smile. LORD HAVE MERCY! I think that I should scoot down but think, will that bring more attention to the fact that I am a freakshow. As I am focusing on the should I, shouldn't I conversation in my head, my phone rings. I ignore it. It rings again. I have to get it. I proceed to fall over the two guys as I am trying to quietly get out!

I resolve the issue and return to get my stuff. I climb back over the two guys, stepping on their feet and unfortunately putting my butt right in their faces. I sit down, exasperated. Meeting adjourned.