Today has been one of those days full of good ideas. Unfortunately for me, karma had other thoughts. I started the day with a wardrobe issue. I, of course, did not realize it was an issue until it was too late. My pants would not remain in the closed and locked position. Luckily I recognized this early on and was wearing a long sweater.
I had to return some jeans that were purchased for me but a me that is ten pounds lighter. I have been running crazy all week but had a minimal amount of time to run in, exchange these pants for some pants that fit AND hid my underwear. As I was rummaging through I saw them. They were beautiful. There was one pair and it was in my size. I knew these jeans would fit because I have been trying them on in different stores for months now. I put them on and promise myself that when I lose some weight I will treat myself to a pair of fancy jeans. But here they were. I could not find a tag. I brought them to the counter and the saleswoman said,"We don't carry these in the store, so I think they are pretty close to this other brand, so I will just charge you for those." WHAT?!?!?!? I just bought a $160 pair of jeans for the same price as Guess acid wash juniors size clearance rack jeans. I started to breathe heavily. This was really happening. I just saved $130!!! She sold me a $160 pair of jeans for $30. I felt like I was stealing somehow.
I hurried through the checkout process before someone caught on that this woman just gave away a pair of jeans. I found the bathroom and put them on. OOOOO GIRL!! These were NOT the jeans I had tried on before. These were skinny jeans that are tight at the ankle. I am not a skinny girl with small ankles. Especially today. I looked at my watch and realized that in all my excitement I had lost track of time. I had twenty minutes to drive 25 miles. I had to go. I put on my high heeled shoes and walked out. Not having seen myself in a full length mirror I did not realize that I looked like a hooker. BUT, I looked like a hooker. Luckily, since I looked like a hooker, I ran into one of students. She wanted to sit and chit chat with her professor who looked like a hooker.
I passed a full length mirror on the way out to the parking garage. I looked like a hooker. I could NOT go to a meeting with hooker pants on but I also did not have time to go back to the bathroom to change. I ran to my car and drove to a deserted section of the parking lot to change my pants. Just as I am getting stuck in my hooker hot pants, I spot the elderly security guard making his rounds. PLEASE LORD PLEASE LORD PLEASE LORD. I picked up my cell phone and pretended to talk. He looked at me and walked by.
All flustered and aggravated I get to my appointment only to discover that I missed the call informing me that the meeting 25 miles away was cancelled. WHY LORD WHY?!?! I would have gotten the message if I had never tried to get those hooker pants. My cell phone was in the other pants. When I was changing in the parking garage, I slipped my cell phone into my purse without checking it. In order to console myself I stopped to get a coffee at the gas station. Nothing makes me feel better than gas station coffee. I hate that fancy coffee. I pour myself scorching hot coffee and go to add sugar and drop the sugar packets in the coffee. DANG IT!! I think of the germs that are on those packets. As I think about germs, the empty packets sink to the bottom of the cup. It is at that point I stick my finger in the coffee to retrieve the sugar packet. First of all, that is gross to put your fingers in your beverage and secondly HOLY CRAP THAT IS FRIGGIN HOT AND NOW I HAVE BURNED MY FINGER UP TO THE KNUCKLE!!!
It is really difficult to play off in a crowded convenience store that not only are you a freak who has dropped sugar packets in your coffee but you are a bigger freak for SHRIEKING when you burn yourself with that coffee. Luckily a lot of those customers had mullets.
I can blame it on the cold medicine or the long weeks I have had, but sometimes I think that maybe I am just a jackass.
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