SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!!!

I am not generally known for my self censoring, however in my new position I am really having to step it up. I love my office, however, being between the bathroom and the stairwell I have fallen victim to the office troll, in addition to various folks, just stopping by. As many of you know, when I am in my office I am in Shannonland where you can fart, belch and sing Paul Revere whenever you please. This can be problematic when people are just popping in to say hello!

So, there is the office troll. She looks like a troll, with buggy eyes and crazy frizzy hair. She sneaks up on you. She scared the shit out of me the other day. She came into my office and stood directly behind my chair and then said, "Is this your office?" I spit coffee out of my mouth and all over my keyboard. She was so close to me that she had to step back when I swiveled around. By the way, who asks such a stupid question. "No, this is not my office. I snuck in here too. SHHHH don't tell anyone."

The troll proceeds to go into a ten minute discussion about what I don't remember. At one point she looked at my window and said, "You have windows. What do they look out on?" I wanted to say, "Why don't you shuffle your little troll feet over to the window and look!" But I didn't. Instead, in my head behind my fake smile I was screaming...SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!! Eventually my phone rang and the troll slumped out and on to her next victim.

I went to my class in the evening, where I am teaching adults returning to school. I really enjoy most of them. However, there is one...there's always one....who is irrelevant in everything they say. On this day, she was especially on. She also had a partner. The partner was just not bright and could not grasp some very simple concepts and I had to repeat myself and tell her she was wrong without making her feel stupid. (Still a very difficult task for me) As Ms. Irrelevant was comparing a psychological disorder to a Goldie Hawn movie and relating a very long drawn out story about her neighbor's neighbor's sister who she prays for blah blah blah..., I felt like my brain was going to explode. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!!! Yet, I smiled on.

Various times throughout this day, people popped in, plopped down in my office and blathered on about nothing. I felt the anxiety spreading through my body. My face would feel flush. I was afraid to open my mouth as I knew what would rush out like vomit.....SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!