Death by Wonking

I guess you know that you have "made it" professionally when you have to go to meetings. You are important enough to be included in the decision making process. They care what you think and they want to keep YOU informed. I want to be a failure. I am having my first "back to school" week where my presence is mandatory. I don't add anything to the conversation. I don't even know what they are talking about most of the time. Just let me know when I screwed something up and I'll go to a class. (As in the whole computer debacle that led to the mandatory computer class with the 80 year old man.)

So, I sat through 6 hours of a "retreat" yesterday. I managed to stay awake with the assistance of five cups of coffee. I don't feel as though I am any more informed now than I was before the meeting but I can mark it off my list. As a "new" faculty member I was introduced to faculty members who already know me. Luckily the Dean is hosting a party in honor of the "new faculty" in a couple of weeks. I am so excited to attend another meeting. It's on a Sunday. What I liked most about this "retreat" was that I was assigned to attend more meetings. YEPIEE! At then end of the day, the Dean was planning to end early, when one of the old professors, who teaches the evils of the microwave and blow dryer, decided that he needed to put his two cents in. The announcement had already been made that we were cutting the afternoon short. I was ready to go. I felt this wave of rage fill my body. My leg was bouncing, my fingers were tapping. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP YOU OLD IRRELEVANT FOOL NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU THINK SHUT UP SHUT UP I WANT TO PUNCH YOU IN THE THROAT was all I could think. I had to restrain myself, this was not acceptable behavior in this group.

Luckily for me I had another two hour meeting to attend in the evening. I arrived, introduced myself and sat down to listen to a bunch of crap that had nothing to do with me. It went on and on. Don't these people have lives? Don't they hate being here as much as I do? The free food is not that great! GET ME OUT OF HERE!!

As in all meetings I attend, there is one person who feels the need to hear themselves talk. They are enlightening their colleagues. At this particular meeting, it was a staff member that had A LOT of questions. She was sitting in front of me and would stand to ask each of her ridiculous questions. She wanted everyone to be able to hear. I couldn't hear her due to the fact that I was distracted by her ugly white nurse pants. It wasn't so much the pants as it was that she unwisely chose pink flowered granny panties to wear under her white pants. Those flowers were inches from my face. How am I expected to listen to you when all I can think of is that I can see your underwear?

After two hours, they were still going. I did not. I looked at my watch picked up my stuff and left. I had to get out. I couldn't breathe. I suppose I will have to apologize and make up some story of why I left. I want to tell them that they took two hours of my life, they should be apologizing to me, but somehow I know that is inappropriate.

Luckily for me I have four more meetings this week. I wish I were invisible again.