Massage

J. got me a massage for Mother's Day. I was a little disappointed that it was not at a spa but at a strip mall. Oh, well. I guess the it's the thought that counts.

I am usually not to keen on people touching me, especially when I am naked, but who can turn down a chance to have someone rub my nasty feet. I have a ritual that I participate in before going to get naked with a stranger. I take a hot shower, I shave, put on my "going to the GYN" underwear and poop.

Well, the night before my arranged massage I drank, a lot. When I awoke the next morning and had been up for awhile, I decided that it was time to get prepped. Unfortunately for me, there was a water main break and our water had been turned off. HOLY CRAP!! So I wait and I wait and I wait. No water. It is coming time to go. So, I do the best I can to get the drunk, alcohol, smoke funk off of me. I still haven't pooped. I am suddenly thankful that I am going to a strip mall.

I arrive at the strip mall to find my masseuse is a young girl. She leads me back to the room. I ask to be excused for a moment to use the bathroom. She leads me down a maze like hallway. As I pass various rooms I see her colleagues. I am thankful for my choice. The men that were employed at this particular facility looked as though they may have earned their massage therapy license in the prison vocational program. They were the type of people I want changing my oil not putting oil on my naked body.

I am a classy woman. I get into the bathroom and do the homeless man shower. I guess I was taking a long time. The girl knocked on the door to find out if I was okay. What am I going to say? " Leave me alone I am taking a shit and a shower in your public bathroom, gimme a sec."

After all was said and done, I think that I think too much of myself if I think that a strip mall massage is beneath me.