Sooooo, I may be fat

The weather is changing and it is time to break out last the jeans from last year. WELP, I got fat. I know that I have gained weight. I, however, have been able to keep myself from the true reality by wearing skirts this summer.

Truth punched me in the throat yesterday in the form of jeans that used to fit. I went through the list of reasons why they didn't fit:
1. I'm bloated (I don't know if you actually gain water weight in your thighs)
2. The jeans shrunk. (Little known fact that jeans in a drawer constrict)
3. I always hated those jeans anyway and was going to throw them out.

So, I headed out to buy some new jeans. I don't like to spend more than I have to on jeans, yet I am in a constant search for that perfect pair that I had 10 years ago. (mind you I was a size 4 and everything fit perfectly) Well, I happened on to some very expensive designer jeans at my favorite discount store. I picked them off the rack and went to try them on.

I get into the dressing room and catch a glimpse of my body. BLECHHHH!!! Something about the wraparound mirrors and the dressing room light caused my thighs to look like marsh mellows. BLECHHH! Anyway, I pull the jeans up. I didn't realize that the rise of the jeans was about 2cm long. They were little more than legs with a crotch. I turned to see that my ass crack was accompanied by my whole ass hanging out of the top of the jeans.

I handed the jeans back and went to look for something else. I found another pair with more fabric. I hoisted them onto my arse. They were tight but I could get them buttoned. I turned to the view from the back. ARGHHHH!! I had the butt pinch that turns into the butt wink when you walk. Too old, can't do it. I have not given up yet. I go up not one but TWO sizes. Then I realize, I am tooo vain to do this.

I go to another store and another store and another store. NOTHING FITS!! Defeated, I return home. I get online and look at LL Bean. They have mom jeans.