The Week in Review

This past week has been rather hectic and I have been unable to find time to sit down and vomit all of my experiences until now. I really should be working on my class, but I am unmotivated. It is my last class and I'm teaching about childhood psychiatric diagnoses. I should just bring my children in as Exhibit A and B.

Friday: I had a conference to go to. It was possibly the worst conference I have ever attended. Luckily Consuela wasn't there. I seemed to be the only one there who wanted to have someone pull out my leg hairs one by one rather than listen to this woman. The best part was that the woman presenting was from South Africa and had an accent. Every time she said "decade" it sounded like she was saying "dickhead." It made me giggle. By the end of the conference and she was still droning on, I got up, got my certificate and left. I had a lunch date with someone much more interesting.

Saturday: A. had her first softball game. I hate softball. A. played for a total of 15 minutes of the hour that we were there. It's not that she was benched it was that all the girls only played 15 minutes. A. did manage to catch a ball (with her face) and make a hit. She was in heaven. The things we do for our kids. Luckily I don't know any of the moms, because I was in a bad mood and yelled at somebody's kid for kicking dirt on C. I didn't even use the nice Mommy correcting voice. I used the "WHAT THE HELL" voice that I use with my own kids.

After the game, we took naps. YEAH!! Then J. and I went out to dinner with the Pop-on Mom and her MD husband. It was fine. I watched my language and my storytelling. I tried not to gossip with this incredibly nice woman. I couldn't help it. She just gave me the,"Oh, they are a very nice family" crap. J. shot me the "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE SHUT UP!!!" look.

There was a question about my ability to self censor. I have a little man in my head who often says, "SHHHHHHH! Don't say that. " Sometimes the little man is sleeping or on vacation or drunk. So mostly I self censor after the fact in the form of an apology. That was never more true than the following day.

Sunday: First Communion. A. and I went to a friend of ours son's first communion. It was fine. It was the BBQ afterward. First, C. being the incredibly brilliant child that he is, discovered the pitching machine in their backyard. He HAD to play with it. Fine. Unfortunately he did not know how to play with it. He watched the wiffle balls shoot out of it but was unclear what happened next. So, he stood in front of it and began to get pelted. I stopped him, only to see him later stick his face next in front of the shoot. Not bright, not bright. Then he discovered the nerf rocket launcher. For the rest of the afternoon, he hid behind trees and in the clubhouse trying to pick off kids, one by one. He spent a lot of time in time out.

My friend's nieces, both 18 months old, were at the BBQ. They had come up from Kentucky, so I had never seen them before. They were not attractive children. In fact, I thought maybe there was something wrong with one of them. So, instead of keeping this thought to myself, I asked my friend," Does S. have Down's Syndrome?" My friend fell out of her chair laughing. Recognizing that the child did not have Down's Syndrome, I stated, "Oh, I guess she's just unattractive." That is where the self censoring should have come in, instead there was the apology.

Monday: JURY DUTY!!! I arrived at the courthouse at 8:15. Remind me if I ever am going to trial, NOT to be judged by a jury of my peers. I listened to conversations of my fellow potential jurors and was afraid. The guy sitting next to me attempted to engage me a number of times in conversation. I put my "I smell poop" face on went about my reading. Luckily, he was called and I was not. I sat in the jury holding cell until 3:30. I fell asleep at one point. It was the kind of sleep that you don't realize that you're asleep until your head jerks up and your arm has fallen asleep. I was sitting in the aisle seat, spread out as could be. I awoke because a gentleman was trying to climb over me and tripped. I about kicked him in the nards in my sleep jerk state. It was Jury appreciation week this week. We got some mints. I felt oh, so appreciated.

I now must go get my hair cut and eventually prep for class. I really just want to nap.