Book Club

About nine years ago four of my friends and I got together and formed a book club. (Oprah had just started doing this and we are her disciples) Our first book was John Irving and it was held at my house on a week night. I provided the snacks and one bottle of wine to share amongst the five. I actually created discussion questions (DORK) to help keep things moving in the right direction.

Since then it has progressed to more of a wine club than a book club, we have to meet on the weekends because we were all getting too drunk to get up for work the next day, have added a member and are lucky if we discuss the book for more than about ten minutes. We had book club last night and I just had a couple of thoughts about these ladies.

Cast of Characters:

Nipsy- Earned her nickname by exposing her nipples on a regular basis while in Mexico. ( Also have photos from New Orleans with her nipples illuminated which is why Nipsy won out over Crotchy) Nipsy is the BEST storyteller. She can make a story about her trip to the grocery store pee your pants (which I have done in her bathroom at an infamous book club). She's that friend who you call when you want to be supported in your righteous indignation. She's got your back. She's also the one you call when you want to have the right words to curse someone out. The biggest issue I have with Nipsy is that she often uses words that I don't know and she reads WAY more books than I do. Thank you Sista!

Pepper- Earned her nickname in Mexico as well. She looked like a wet puppy, doggie paddling. She's my conscience and my therapist. I screw up ALOT and in a very kind way she tells me what I already know, I f*cked up. She also gives me parenting tips. She tells me my kids are OK and not headed for the mental hospital. She suggested a couple of books to me, Hands are not for Hitting, Teeth are not for Biting, etc. I hope maybe she'll just get me the whole series for my next birthday. I need to ask her if they have a book called Boogers are not for Eating. She has an infectious laugh and laughs at me when I'm trying to be funny. The biggest issue I have with Pepper is that she is the world's slowest driver. THE SPEED LIMIT IS 60!!!!

Flopsy- Earned her nickname in Mexico. I shared the bed with her on both of our trips. I let her know that pajamas WERE NOT OPTIONAL!! I cannot take the chance of being in the bed with a naked person...there could be a fire. Flopsy earned her name, not because of her boobs but because every time she turned in bed she bounced so hard I almost fell on the floor. Flopsy is out book club Fashionista. She looks good and has wonderful taste. She took over decorating my house once my gay friend moved to Seattle (hey Lammy!). What I love about her is that no matter if I opened a credit card and charged a bunch of stuff and got busted, she will tell me that it wasn't $1000 and I probably needed the stuff anyway. I LOVE THAT!!! I go to her when I need someone to tell me, "Ahh, you can quit smoking another day, " or" you work hard, you deserve it". My cheerleader. Everyone should have one. The biggest issue I have with Flopsy is that she always looks better than I do but will never tell me,"Girl, don't wear that!"

The other two members of the book club were not on our trip to Mexico, so I had to come up with appropriate codenames on the spot.

Huggie Bear:
This is an odd choice of a name. She always hugs me and makes me hug her back. I really don't like to be hugged. Even when I'm really sad, I don't like to be hugged. I also don't like to say the word vagina and she makes me say it. She's good for me. The thing I love most about her is that she is probably the most tolerant and soft hearted person I know. She forgives and moves on and she knows when to let things drop. The thing that drives me the craziest about her is that she hugs me. (she tells me to get over it)

Tootie: Last but not least, our newest addition to the book club. I must admit that when she asked to join our group I had some reservations about my worlds colliding, but since she's been a part of the group it's like she's never not been. I think this is good name because she reports to us that she has never farted in front of her husband. They have been married for quite some time, so you know this girl's belly is HURTIN!!! I can only imagine when she lets loose. My favorite thing about her is that she tells me when I am being a brat or a winebag or a bitch or all of the above. And she isn't nice about it. She whoops my ass when I need an ass whoopin. Everyone needs someone like that. The best part is that we are related by marriage and she can't get away from me until J. does. The thing that drives me the craziest about her is that she smokes, shops, drinks and gossips the same way I do. She is not a good influence...

All in all these women give me what I need to get through life. I feel that we know way too much about each other(blackmail possibilities) to stop being friends. Thanks for being essential in my life. I must be PMSing to be so sentimental.

Love you guys,
Sister Dorothea